You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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