I love black thongs
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
