god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
