Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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