How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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