After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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