Jerry, you need to find god
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
