I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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