I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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