The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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