I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
