So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
