We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
