i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
