dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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