Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
