you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
