I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
