I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
