The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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