you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i've created a new STD.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
