just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
