we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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