This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
