If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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