I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
