Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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