my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The air was thick with penises
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
