I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
