there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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