I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
