Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
