I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
