he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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