we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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