Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
