You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
