Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
