hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
