i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
