WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
