meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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