Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Text me some of your sweat
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