oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
