Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
