I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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