Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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