We're facebook friends in real life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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