god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
