ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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