You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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