3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mom said you looked used
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize