i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
