no, he came in my armpit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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