The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
