I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
