Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
