May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
