Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
