Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
