so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize