Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
