I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
