I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
